Dear Friend,
This summer, I started a new phase of my life – I moved out of my mom’s house and into an apartment. I cook meals for myself, budget my money, and work full time to save up before the school year starts. I never realized though, until I moved out, that money can really take a hold of my life. All I think about is how much money I have, how I’m spending it, and how I can get more of it. My stomach hurts every time I go to the grocery store because I know I’m going to spend at least $80 on two weeks worth of food, and inserting my card into the card reader makes me feel awful inside. It’s not like I don’t have enough money to live, because my parents are helping me out while I’m in college, but I find myself worrying about paying for grad school, buying a house when I get out of undergrad, and making enough money to support myself. All of that is 3 years away, and in a lot of ways I’m still a kid with parents who take care of me, so why the heck am I worrying about all of this?
I’ve given myself this expectation of saving up enough money to pay for grad school out of pocket when I get out undergrad. Which is impossible. I just woke up one day and my brain said to me “Allie, you’re going to work hard and get odd jobs and be a freelance writer and work jobs on campus so that when you graduate you can walk to the billing office at your grad school and hand them a check that pays for everything.” I’m sorry, but why the actual heck did I decide this? But now that I’ve decided it, it’s all I can think about. I also convinced myself that I should make a down payment on a rental property to make passive income while I’m in school. I know nothing about buying a rental property, I don’t know where to start, but now I have to do something about it so that my brain will just. shut. up.
I know it’s all irrational thinking, but all of these thoughts are very, very real to me. I can look at myself in the mirror and convincingly tell myself that none of what my brain is telling me is rational or even possible, but the anxiety and expectation doesn’t go away. And that’s what I’ve been battling in my brain lately. I’m not sure if that’s crazy or normal, but if you feel the same way, maybe we could talk. I hope to hear from you soon.
Love, Allie ❤
A Coffee Date 